ACCESS GRANTED
HOUSEHOLD HEROICS DIVISION · EST. BEDTIME
Two heroes. One household. Zero unhandled monsters.
Licensed in all rooms, most hallways, and the backyard (weather permitting). Deploying nightly since bedtime.
CLASS · OBSIDIAN DRAGON
Emerges from the closet at dusk. Guards the bottom bunk against all threats, real and imaginary. Mask is worn correctly by his own definition, which is the only one that counts.
KNOWN WEAKNESS CLASSIFIED (IT IS BEDTIME)
CLASS · RAINBOW UNICORN
Can be in two rooms at once (unverified). Deploys a rainbow on request and occasionally without one. Has never lost a staring contest with a monster, a sibling, or a vegetable.
KNOWN WEAKNESS CLASSIFIED (ALSO BEDTIME)
Available in all rooms, most hallways, and the backyard. Pricing: one hug, or a high five for repeat customers.
Every incident is logged, reviewed, and mostly resolved before the next episode starts.
Transmissions are reviewed after snack. Nothing leaves this page; the heroes are briefed in person.